A. Action Figures are NOT dolls!
B. Grilling is not a hobby nor a past time its a F%!%@ING art! instead of paints and canvas we men get beer and aprons with clever quips.
C. Boys mature slower than girls so GROW some patience!
D. Thinking of ways to survive zombie attacks is not a waste of time it's deadly (ha) serious.
E. High Fives are like hugs if hugs could make a loud sound that only angels appreciate and fellow Bro's.
F. Some forms of violence are hilarious like the three stooges and cops.
G. Video games are awesome- FACT!
H. Halloween pretty much best holiday ever pretty sure women love the holiday as well (can I get a high five?)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Outside Seating Sucks
If you know me there are things that urk, annoy, and displease me one of which involves people eating outside of restaurants. I know, I know this seems mundane and stupid to shake one's finger at but let's be honest this is Philadelphia NOT Paris. As a restaurant patron I have come to terms with the fact I go out to eat in a nice cozy setting with friends or a "friend" and not to be placed outside where pedestrians and homeless can bump my chair or beg for money. It's ANNOYING (am I wrong?) This leads me to my next frustration probably bigger than actually eating outside which is walking on a sidewalk alongside people spread out at their tables and leaning in their chairs adjacent to the restaurant. It's by far the largest hassle a pedestrian has to experience especially during the warmer seasons. I mean I do not enjoy maneuvering around sleeping dogs, weaving around tables, and observing people drinking red wine (LAME!).
Sure I've tried avoiding the sitting eating people on the sidewalks by walking in the street close to the curb but the amount of taxi's and taxi drivers that can't actually drive has be become a dangerous endeavor. Then of course there's the idea of crossing to the other side of the street but let's face it it's a better idea than an actual plan. I guess the lesson here is to drive in the summer and walk in the winter...Sounds swell right? WRONG that's the stupidist decision ever right next to paying to see Heaven's Gate in theaters.
Sure I've tried avoiding the sitting eating people on the sidewalks by walking in the street close to the curb but the amount of taxi's and taxi drivers that can't actually drive has be become a dangerous endeavor. Then of course there's the idea of crossing to the other side of the street but let's face it it's a better idea than an actual plan. I guess the lesson here is to drive in the summer and walk in the winter...Sounds swell right? WRONG that's the stupidist decision ever right next to paying to see Heaven's Gate in theaters.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
IT'S EASY!
1. Running from Zombies is easier than running from Felosa Raptors (Pitch that idea to Michael Bay).
2. Swimming in Chocolate is easier than swimming in Jello (of course the advantage of competing in a jello swim race is the mere fact it would be announced by Bill Cosby)
3. Using a throw away razor is easier than shaving with a strait razor (Not as many band aids)
4. Listening to easy listening music is well easy!
5. Using an automatic pencil sharpener is easier than operating a manuel one.
6. Writing on a computer is easier than typing on a typewriter (especially when dyslexic)
7. Werewolves are easier to kill than vampires (so I hear)
8. It's easier to read a magazine in a library than in a doctor's office.
9. It's easier to throw up drunk than sober (not going to explain this one)
10. It's easier to color in marker than crayon (unless there's no ink in the marker than it's just frustrating)
2. Swimming in Chocolate is easier than swimming in Jello (of course the advantage of competing in a jello swim race is the mere fact it would be announced by Bill Cosby)
3. Using a throw away razor is easier than shaving with a strait razor (Not as many band aids)
4. Listening to easy listening music is well easy!
5. Using an automatic pencil sharpener is easier than operating a manuel one.
6. Writing on a computer is easier than typing on a typewriter (especially when dyslexic)
7. Werewolves are easier to kill than vampires (so I hear)
8. It's easier to read a magazine in a library than in a doctor's office.
9. It's easier to throw up drunk than sober (not going to explain this one)
10. It's easier to color in marker than crayon (unless there's no ink in the marker than it's just frustrating)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Way's I'd like to Die
A. Shot in the head. (Dead instantly....hopefully).
B. Decapitated by guillotine (Also dead dead instantly, also draws a crowd.)
C. Ran over by a speeding car. (If it's a hit and run cool, if not I feel bad for that poor driver.)
D. Die in my sleep on public transportation. ($2 ticket and a traumatized passenger that won't forget me.....Priceless.)
E. Fall into tiger cage at zoo and mauled...(make the headlines= awesome.)
F. Assassinated ( it means I'm important).
G. Rabies. (Eh, that or aids? I choose rabies.)
H. Magic Trick gone wrong.
I. Alcohol
F. Heart attack during sex....(enough said :) <----smile face)
Stay Tuned for my will,.
B. Decapitated by guillotine (Also dead dead instantly, also draws a crowd.)
C. Ran over by a speeding car. (If it's a hit and run cool, if not I feel bad for that poor driver.)
D. Die in my sleep on public transportation. ($2 ticket and a traumatized passenger that won't forget me.....Priceless.)
E. Fall into tiger cage at zoo and mauled...(make the headlines= awesome.)
F. Assassinated ( it means I'm important).
G. Rabies. (Eh, that or aids? I choose rabies.)
H. Magic Trick gone wrong.
I. Alcohol
F. Heart attack during sex....(enough said :) <----smile face)
Stay Tuned for my will,.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Riddle Me This!
1. Can you drink on the road in a winnebago? I mean technically it's a home.
2. In a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
3. If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?
4. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? (I would argue you can!)
5. Why's golf taken so seriously?
6. Is it gay to be jerked off by a woman puppet if the puppeteer is a dude?
7. Have you ever had latin lover?
8. Are humans considered exotic food to sharks?
9. Why do people continue to name their daughters Delores?
10. Why don't you need a license to drive a bicycle?
2. In a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
3. If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?
4. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? (I would argue you can!)
5. Why's golf taken so seriously?
6. Is it gay to be jerked off by a woman puppet if the puppeteer is a dude?
7. Have you ever had latin lover?
8. Are humans considered exotic food to sharks?
9. Why do people continue to name their daughters Delores?
10. Why don't you need a license to drive a bicycle?
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